you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
