haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
