it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
