What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
