I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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