Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Mom said you looked used
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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