My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
