the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
