her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
