Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
