Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm having to shit out rocks
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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