thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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