All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i think im in europe. pls send help
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
