Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You've changed since you got that strap on
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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