matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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