the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize