Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Could be all of this cough syrup, but Iām ready to fuck 2018 up!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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