Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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