Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize