I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so explain again why im purple
no
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
