True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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