I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
