his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
