Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
