sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
vagina is talking i cant
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
