I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
