she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
