I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
