there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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