i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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