Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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