i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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