you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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