i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
