My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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