someone get that fucking seahorse.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
