I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
