I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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