we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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