roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
