She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
