Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
