Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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