apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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