maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this beer tastes like vomit already
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
