So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
