ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
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