If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
