at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
