the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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