my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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