who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
