It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
