you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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