if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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