At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The adults are the big ones right?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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