So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
