Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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