like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
