i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
