Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
