I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
how drunk are you?
Several
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
