So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
