ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
