marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
