her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
