I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
