You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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