This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
