So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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