My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
