similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize