the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
