Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
