There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
