Will you blow on my dice?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
